Saturday, December 31, 2011

Nostalgic Notebooks - Part 2

I've always enjoyed keeping track of my life by writing things down. Good things. Bad things. Anything and everything. I have kept a journal for as long as I remember. Although there are certain breaks in my life where I didn't write as much, I always came back to it. A while ago I posted this blog with my early high school memories. I decided to continue going through my journals and pick out some "words of wisdom" according to the younger version of myself. On the eve of this new year, I couldn't help but reflect just a little bit.


February 26, 2007 – “We’re not the same people we were two years ago. I need to stop thinking that we are. I need to stop hoping that we are. We’ve both changed and that’s the main reason we can’t be together. Not now. Not ever again.”

March 3, 2007 – “So, *Andrew* asked me to Prom today. I wasn’t even expecting it. I didn’t really know how to respond so I just laughed. Then I realized he was serious and I told him I would go. But I’m not so sure if that’s what I really want…”

March 24, 2007 – “Today I love these things: Jam sessions. Road trips. College visits. Pretzels with cheese. Getting lost. Record stores. Sidewalks. The Beatles. Music. Screaming. Starbucks. Naps. Driving in the van. The Spice Girls. Lying in driveways. The moon. Cloud shapes. Hide and seek. MY FRIENDS.”

March 26, 2007 – “Even though certain things remind me of him, I’m ready to let go of old memories and make new ones with great friends who make me happier than I ever could have imagined.”

April 5, 2007 – “I like making my parents proud. I hope they think I’m great for being inducted into the National Honor Society.”

April 15, 2007 – “It's really weird when your best guy friend likes you. He wants me but I don’t want him. And I can’t keep making him think that I do. He deserves someone who will be just as into him as he is to them. And that person isn’t me.”

April 22, 2007 – “Everything is really fucking fucked up right now and I’m not sure how it got that way.”

April 28, 2007 – “She is the type of friend that I know will last a lifetime. We don’t always have to be hanging out 24/7 to know that we are true friends. She knows I’m here for her and I know she is there for me. Whenever we hang out, we pick up right where we left off. Its an effortless friendship and I cherish it.”

May 4, 2007 – “I feel like a rebel. No lie. At school, during 9th period, I have a study hall and am an aide for the band director. But the band is on band trip and I didn’t technically have a class to be in. And for some reason I had the urge to skip my “non-existent” class. The point of the story is that I texted my friend *Michael* to pick me up from school. I am a good student, daughter and a person. It’s about damn time I let loose and did something out-of-line!”

May 10, 2007 – “Guys are so full of shit. Even more so than girls.”

May 19, 2007 –“I’ve finally found someone new, someone to take my mind off of *Chris.* I never thought I’d see this day, that I would be stuck loving what once was. But I am crushing hard on someone new. Someone better. And honestly, I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to know if this new guy liked me back or if I was the only one feeling something. So I texted him that night after everything had happened. When I woke up the next morning he responded by saying he liked me too, even though things are so complicated. Key words: He. Likes. ME! I was so happy reading that. Still am.”

June 4, 2007 – “I told him I was really starting to like him. You know, getting attached. And that if he didn’t feel the same he needed to let me know. He assured me he liked me but the price for us to be together was too high to pay. I never planned on wanting to break him and his girlfriend up. But here I am now getting selfish. I want him to choose me over her. I just know that’s not going to happen.”

June 6, 2007 – “We sat side by side at Lake Milton just watching the sun set. It was silent and it got dark and I couldn’t have asked for better closure to something that didn’t quite happen. When he dropped me off later that night, I waved good-bye. I knew that was the last time I would see his car pulling out of my driveway. And I was somehow okay with it.”

June 9, 2007 – “Another school year down. One more to go. Life moves fast and so does my mind.”

July 14, 2007 – “My dad is so cute. He’s planning a 50th surprise birthday party for my mom. I really hope she’s surprised and appreciates his effort. I love hearing him pace around the house, making plans over the phone. He really is a great guy. My mom really is a lucky lady. I hope to find that some day.”

July 20, 2007 – “My stomach is in knots right now. The weather, the music, the photographs, are all conditions for a pity party.”

July 27, 2007 – “Well. A lot has happened. And I’m not really sure where to begin. But, I guess I didn’t forget how to kiss. And, I don’t know how I feel about that yet.” 

August 3, 2007 – “I'm seventeen today. How did that happen? WHEN did that happen? Birthdays are supposed to bring happiness but all I feel is sad. Good thing I'll be surrounded by my friends soon. I need them right now.”

August 12, 2007 – “He's really starting to grow on me. I like having him around.”

August 24, 2007 – “I haven't had much time to fill you in on the details of my new love interest. But, it's official. We are officially dating. I have officially and truly moved on to someone better.”


Sorry I've been slacking lately.
I'll make it up to you.
<3 oohv

3 comments:

  1. oh reading this make me wish i could have my old journals, it's pretty sometimes go back and see how much you changed. Thanks for sharing this, i love it

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  2. the funny thing about reading my old high school journals is that i thought so much more deeply than my journals show now. of course, that may be a 16 year old 'emo' deep thinking, but it's still funny/fun/interesting to read :)

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  3. Ahhh this totally makes me want to go back and read my old journals now. I was just like you--I pretty much have a record of my entire life and all the dramatic ups and downs of teenage life. I would love to go back and pick out some of my own wisdom to share with the world. :)

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